As you can see by this:
things are getting pretty stressful around here.
I don’t want to bore you with the details…you know, the tape, the boxes, the permanent markers, the packing lists, the, the….
oh, sorry… I said I wouldn’t bore you…my bad!
Although this journey has been a definite faith builder as I described in this post, it’s still stressful, tiring and well…
let’s just say that I wouldn’t go straight to fun.
We’re at a point where most of our stuff is in boxes, so it’s difficult to look around and see home, and for me, that’s hard.
I said yesterday that I was going to post about the two awards I received, and pass them on to other bloggers today,
but I’m going to need a little more time in order to do it well. I don’t want to just throw it together.
That wouldn’t be fair to the recipients.
They deserve more than that, so I will be honoring them in a future post.
Besides, I need to share with you a Mommy tidbit that I had to chew on yesterday and it got stuck in my teeth.
Here’s my story:
As a SAHM, this is my home, my office, my retreat, my workplace, and, well, my domain.
It’s hard to feel put together when everything around me is pulled apart.
Yes, I know that God is in charge, and I only have ten days to go.
That’s what keeps the little bit of sanity left in my brain from jumping out the window.
Well, that and my amazing husband and three incredible daughters.
Yesterday, I gave my 12 year old a plastic bin and told her to put all of their DVD’s in it so that they were packed, but accessible.
Well, she took them out of cardboard box #38, and put them in the bin as I had requested.
Great, right? Well, when I walked in her room 20 minutes later, I looked at the lid of that white bin that I had given her,
and saw that she had ‘labeled’ the lid of the bin in huge black permanent marker, canceling out any further plans I had for it.
It now looked like one of her journals, with flowers, smiley faces, exclamation points adorning it from corner to corner,
and a big #38 circled in the center and her name in block letters underneath.
Now, you would think that maybe I should look at that and say, “Aww! How cute! Look how creative she is!
She even labeled and numbered it appropriately keeping up with her psycho mommy’s packing list!”
No. I didn’t. My OCD took over and I flipped out.
“What were you thinking?!” I believe is the first thing I said. Then I think I followed it with:
“Now I can’t use that bin for anything else! I can’t get that marker off of there!
It’s not a cardboard box we’re just going to throw away!”
Brilliant. Great job, Mom. Way to go.
“I’m sorry, Mom! But I took some of those DVD’s out of Box #38, and it’s already listed on the packing list!
So I thought I had to label that too, or we’d be looking for box #38 and it wouldn’t be here!”
Why was I so mad? Why couldn’t I seem to quickly get past this one? What the big deal!? It’s a stupid plastic bin!
WHAT’S MY PROBLEM!!!
I knew I was totally overreacting! IT’S JUST A BIN, PEOPLE!!! I wanted to scream!
I wanted to scream because I was really mad, but knew I was being really ridiculous!!
So, I turned, walked out of her room, into mine, closed slammed the door, and finished getting ready.
We were leaving to go to the graduation that my Home Economics class catered last night.
The whole “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
principle that our moms drilled into our heads as kids?
Yeah, well, Moms? That applies to us, too. Walk away. Storm away if you have to!
Trust me, it’s far less damaging than spitting fiery hurtful words out at our kids and
expecting them to come out on the other side of our emotional explosion unscathed.
Ten minutes later, she walked in my room, sheepishly. “I’m sorry Mom.” she said.
Still upset, (for no reason that I can give that’s worth a flip) I looked at her and said,
“I know you are. I also know that I shouldn’t be as angry as I am and I can’t explain it. I am angry.
Furious! But I shouldn’t be and I don’t know what to say.”
Sometimes being completely honest with your kids, especially at that age, is the most beneficial.
They’re not stupid, and they have the memory of an elephant.
I’d rather my girls remember my crazy moments as times where they were able to have compassion for me,
instead of them causing wounds that will scar over and be a constant reminder of the hurt I put them through.
“As angry as I feel,” I said, “I know you did what you thought was right,
and I appreciate you trying to keep up with my lists and my crazy rules. I can’t explain my attitude,
but you need to know that it’s not about you, and I need to get over myself. Just bear with me.”
Just then, my ten-year-old walked in. Her middle name is Grace. Her first name also means Grace.
God knew what He was doing with that one.
She looked at me in my sorry attitudinal state and said, “We have Grace Tickets for you too, Mom.”
Well, I wouldn’t say that yesterday was the greatest Mommy day for me,
and I certainly wouldn’t say that I’m proud of my attitude,or my lack of ability to show self-control,
but I can definitely say that I experienced the Grace of God through my girls.
They hugged me, loved me, and softened my hard attitude in a matter of minutes.
No matter what that silly bin represented in my warped scattered mind, when it comes down to it, it’s only a bin.
A silly plastic bin that can be replaced in a matter of minutes with less money than I spent at the Dollar Store last week.
Weigh it moms. Pick your battles. Don’t allow your narrow-minded plans to dictate your attitude or reactions.
It may be permissible, but it’s certainly not beneficial.
You will definitely experience yourself through your children…good or bad, as a mirrored image.
So, allow me to give you a friendly woman to woman, mommy to mommy reminder.
What you put in those kids will inevitably come back to either haunt you, or bless you.
It’s what I call the Boomerang Theory.
You know, the whole ‘reaping what you sow’ thing?
It’s really true, and it really works….for you, or against you. Good or bad.
We are all going to have days that don’t exactly put us in the running for Mom of the Year.
It’s a good thing that kids don’t expect perfection, and neither does God.
They are not glaring down at us when we show our ugly sides and imperfections, but it’s our reactions to,
and whether or not we are ruled by those imperfections that dictates the outcome and ultimately our reputation.
Although I was irrational in my behavior and wasn’t proud of my attitude,
by stepping back, being honest and allowing room for Grace to be spilled, there was success in the end.
What emotional boomerang are you throwing out there that will inevitably come right to you?