“Because I said so, that’s why!”
How many times have we heard moms say that one? There are times when it is warranted, but it can also be quite exasperating for our kids. I don’t feel the need to give full detailed explanations all the time, but I do try to throw them a bone when possible. As moms, we want our kids to talk to us, to communicate, especially once they are old enough to share their feelings. Do you really think they will want to have that kind of relationship with us if all we ever tell them is ‘is said so’?
Now, understand, there is a time and a place when we tell our kids that the decision we are making at the time is the best for them and they need to just trust and obey. If we have preceded that conversation with many others where we have sat down and discussed with them why we do what we do, it’ll go a lot further.
I want my kids to know that we’re all in this thing called life together, and that we’re a team. However, every team needs a captain, someone who ultimately makes the big decisions, and the other team members must follow suit to win the game.
One day, as my daughters were playing dress up, my youngest said to her older sisters, “I am the queen, and you can be the princesses! I am in charge!” She didn’t see me watching from the hallway. With her nose high in the air, she spun around in a fluffy, pink whirl with her crown crooked on her head, and her wand waving madly. When her spin was complete, she opened her eyes and saw me standing there with my arms crossed. Her smile quickly faded and she turned to her sisters and said…”Ummm, what I meant to say is that we are the princesses and Mommy is the queen! Do you want a crown, Mommy?”
I didn’t have my arms crossed with a look on my face because I wanted to be the queen, and I certainly wasn’t looking to wear a crown. I was unhappy with her sassy tone; however, it suited the moment just fine for her to realize her place in the castle. Even little ones can understand the ‘royal concept’. The whole ‘king and queen, and their court’ scenario.
My girls know who is in charge, and why it is that way. You know the saying, ‘the buck stops here’. There’s not even a question, but I do try to open the floor for communication so they have some understanding of ‘why’. When they get that, they can have better discernment and eventually make wise decisions for themselves when the time comes. It’s all part of the training.
Talk to your kids. It’s as simple as that. Do it now. Do it while they are little, but understand that it’s never too late to start. Don’t wait…make it a habit for both you and them. Open the floor for some ’round-table discussions’. You’ll be surprised what they will share when the queen goes first!