A Spoonful of Sugar

Making every day life as a mom just a little bit sweeter.

That Didn’t Hurt! January 30, 2010

Filed under: Discipline,Parenting 101,Parenting Pre-teens,Parenting Toddlers — Janine Chance @ 8:53 am

Do you ever feel like you are spinning your wheels?  Punishing your kids for the same things over and over again, with little or no results?  Always starting sentences with, “I said…”  Well, I’m sorry to have to be the one to bring this up, but, how’s that workin’ for ya’?

I started disciplining my kids when they were babies.  Yes, I’m talking like 6 months old.  I know, you’re thinking to yourself, what’s wrong with this psycho?  ‘Au contraire Mon frere’!  (On the contrary)  Thus the reason I am so sane today!  When my kids would touch something,or  go somewhere they weren’t supposed to, there was a consequence..every time!  I know it’s tiring, and you think it’s easier to just say..”Oh, how cute!”  Well, let me enlighten you with a thought.  It’s not gonna be so cute when they are looking at you at 13 and saying, “Yes, I am going to the mall..you can’t tell me what to do…It’s my life!”  Not so cute, huh?  I’m just sayin’…

I am not saying that I beat my kids, or shoved bamboo shoots under their fingernails, but I made sure it was a punishment that was going to change the behavior, and it had to be consistent!

What would promote change in your kids?  You know them better than anyone, so who better suited to decide but you?  As a mom, we have to have a game plan.  You know, ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’.  Look at them..what would affect them the most?  I tell moms all the time…it’s gotta hurt.  If it doesn’t hurt, you’re wasting your time and theirs.  I’m not always talking about physical pain.  What will affect your child to change?

How about you try this one on for size..how do they receive love most affectively? Do they love spending quality time with you?  Do they love to cuddle?  Is it an encouraging word, or when you do something special for them?  I have always punished my kids according their language of love.

My oldest gets her love tank filled by hearing how proud I am of her, or when I spend quality time with her.  When she was younger, the best most effective punishment was to firmly tell her how disappointed I was, and to send her to bed early by herself.  I know, you’re thinking, that’s it? Big deal!  That’s not a punishment!  For her, it was.  It changed the behavior.  My middle daughter, however, is a cuddler…loves to hug, always has her arm around me.  A good old-fashioned spanking worked wonders for her!  The little one is the life of the party.  She loves to be around people, so separating her from the group was like Chinese water torture.  It promoted change..that’s the goal here, Mom!                                                                                                                            

As they get older, punishments will change.  You know, taking the phone away, grounding, etc…and if you did your job early on, these punishments should work.  It’s all preventative maintenance!  It’s like working 80 hours a week so you can experience early retirement.  Even when you retire, there is some maintenance work to be done, but basically you can breathe.  So, don’t give in, be consistent, let the punishment fit  the crime, be effective, and watch your investments work for you!

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3 Responses to “That Didn’t Hurt!”

  1. Rev. Kay Says:

    I figure you overcame the “I NEED my kids to love me, therefore I better not tick them off.” Parents who do not discipline don’t really love their kids.

  2. Joanne Says:

    I love this post/blog!? what’s the diff?? Just food for thought, Bean: I interchanged the word ‘punishment’ (negative connotations to stop unwanted behavior) with ‘discipline’ (teaching/shaping behavior you seek to occur). Discipline is not punishment, but rather teaching behavior; setting and upholding boundaries that children donot have the capabilities to set for themselves. Discipline is a ‘security blanket’ for children. It lets them know how far they can go/or not, who’s in charge and who loves them the most. Without this, they can feel lost and keep reaching out/seeking for boundaries. You have done this like no other, you are an awesome Mom! I just thought explaining it a little differently could present a perspective from another…me!

    • 3girlmomblog Says:

      Thank you so much for the input! I absolutely agree! Changing that one word gives a completely different perception of what I am trying to get across. When I went back and read it again, I could’ve kicked myself for not seeing it because it’s something that I have said to other people. it’s a concept that I have always stood behind, but obviously didn’t pay attention to the jargon in this post. I appreciate you bringing it to my attention! I will definitely be more sensitive to that in future posts. (The blog is the whole mamma-jamma..you know the website/webpage…the post is each individual article…although, when I’m typing up a post, I say I’m blogging, so who knows, really! = ) Thanks! You just gave me my next blog!


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